Story 5: Too Fat for the Army - Part II

As I reflect upon my three months of basic army training at Kapooka, I remember one of the most rewarding and challenging things I have ever done in my life—both physically and emotionally.

There were more than a few occasions where my self-belief was tested to the absolute limit. I didn’t think I could go on. I thought about giving up.

But I didn’t.

One such time happened whilst training for our basic fitness assessment (BFA). I had to run 5 kms in under 27 mins. I passed the test easily while we were out practicing the 5km course. But when it came to the actual test, the pressure of the stopwatch combined with my own self-doubt really messed with my head. I found that I couldn’t do it.

I’d be given one last chance to pass my BFA, or else face the consequences.

Last chance day arrived. I felt sick to the stomach with nerves. The test began, and I ran alongside my sergeant who kept pace with her watch. Our physical training instructor (PTI) also ran with our small group.

Three-quarters of the way through the course, she started to break away. We were falling behind the desired pace. Failure was looming.

I thought about the consequences of failure. I would be back-squadded. I would be unable to attend the pass-out parade with my platoon. That was totally unacceptable.

I couldn’t stand the thought of not marching out with my comrades whom I’d been through so much with over the last 10 weeks. Our pass-out parade was only 2 weeks away, and I had family coming who’d booked flights.

I had to dig really deep. Failing wasn't an option. I wanted this more than anything, so I had to show myself that I could do it.

I chased down the PTI. She was now the pace-keeper. I knew that as long as I stuck with her, passing my BFA was a sure thing. So I kept my eyes down and just ploughed through.

I glanced up to see the last 500 metres nearing. It was by far the toughest, as it was all uphill.

The PTI yelled encouragement, “Keep going, you’re going to make it!”

Jesus fucking Christ!!!! I silently swore.

The hill seemed to go on forever and ever. I thought I might throw up at any moment just from pure exhaustion.

“Come on, you’re nearly there!”

At last, as I rounded the corner, the finish line came into sight. To my amazement, I found the energy to sprint to the end.

As I crossed the finish line, someone called out my time... 26 minutes and 30 seconds.

OMG!!! I’d done it! With only 30 seconds to spare. I showed myself that I could indeed do it. And what an overwhelming relief that was.

The day I marched out with my platoon—my family proudly watching on, including my Mum, Nanna, and an Uncle who’d been in the military for 20 years—was up there as one of the highlights of my life. My belief in myself and what I was capable of achieving had definitely been moved to a new place.

I felt ten feet high and bulletproof.

When I initially joined the army, I thought it was because of my numerology Life Path 5 and satisfying this desire for adventure and constant change. While it certainly gave me that, it also gave me so much more.

The first thing it gave me was some good army discipline, or what I prefer to call focus. Learning to focus was really going to serve me in a massive way later on in life when a huge desire was born. That huge desire was really going to test me and bring so much more from me than anything that came before.

The second thing it gave me was meeting the man with whom I’d have two beautiful children.

And last of all, it gave me crossing paths with Private Henry, who delivered the next intriguing clue. One day she casually handed me a cassette tape and said, “Here, listen to this.”

So I did.

I was introduced to a woman who channelled an entity called Germaine. I didn’t know what channelling even was. It sounded really weird. Yet at the same time, I must admit that my interest had been piqued.

For now, I have filed it away in the back of my mind. But it was a surefire sign of what was to come.